swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
