grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
