That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
