Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
