Rock
Scissors
Fuck
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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