I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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