Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She needs sedatives and a leash
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
