Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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