Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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