so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
