Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
