Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
