absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
birth control should be required to get into college
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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