Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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