I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
do nipples grow back?
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