Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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