I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
