Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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