saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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