My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
