You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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