she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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