dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
