also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
A bitchslap is in order.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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