Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
