Sacagawea was the original milf.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
