Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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