k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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