mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
whose parrot is this?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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