Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
