Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
