You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
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Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
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Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You need a sexual gate keeper
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite