Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
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guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.