NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.