Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.