You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.