plz talk dirty to me
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
