Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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