I am spending my child support on dildos
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
