Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
