bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
