you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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