My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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