Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
