Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
