I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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