it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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