dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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