omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Randomize
