it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
