Im at strip club and am horny
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
