peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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