so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
