I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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