Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
