i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
