once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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