i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
