Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
