I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
