i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
