When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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