I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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