her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
