worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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