Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You smell like stripper and shame
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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