I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
