i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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