so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
