Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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