4 words: hood of his car
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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