So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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