i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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