first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
