y did u give ur computer a hand job?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
